Warwick Merry is the guy who’s called on when event organisers want the best event experience.
So of course he’s also called on for the Connect With Confidence Podcast as we knew he’d add some valuable insights and great stories.You might even hear a musical note or two, and Warwick’s impersonation of Australia’s 21st Prime Minister as he shares about weak knees, imposter syndrome and having a go anyway. Enjoy this behind the scenes conversation with one of Australia’s top entertainers, speakers and tech-professionals.
Find Warwick here
warwickmerry.com
warwickmerry.com/presentingonline
Warwick’s Podcast
Listen below, on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or find more platforms here.
Kerrie Phipps 0:00
Hi friends, Kerrie Phipps here with the connect with confidence Podcast. I am so thrilled to be sharing this conversation with Warwick Merry now I have been on Warwick’s podcast to get more success show two times in the past and we’ve had many other great conversations, but I know that this podcast will also support you to grow in confidence Warwick, share some amazing stories, some funny stories, and very insightful tips to help you grow in confidence and have a better conversation with yourself and others over the work.
Warwick Merry 0:40
You can say to someone I’ve got a bit of imposter syndrome and people go, oh, you’ll be good at this you’ll be fine and then like but the doubt stays the two separate things. You can admit that you have something but that doesn’t make it go away. Or it becomes Okay. How do I have to reinforce to myself that it’s like this is rediculous.
Kerrie Phipps 1:04
I was looking Warwick at your bio on Instagram because you know that’s always fun. So you’re a master and say success speaker exhibiting expert, singer, motorbike rider, poodle owner, comedian, geek, techie, improv doer, author, and so much more. Welcome to the connect with confidence podcast.
Warwick Merry 1:22
Yay. I’m so thrilled to be here. I’m very impressed by my own bio on Instagram.
Kerrie Phipps 1:29
I did look at your bio on LinkedIn also. And you know, I’ve known you for five years now, since meeting you in Singapore. When you’re only 10 hours drive from here, Sunny Melbourne. I’ve known some of your story. But I also discovered on Instagram about the year that you spent in the US as a full time exhibiting expert and I thought how many amazing conversations and insightful and interesting conversations possibly some boring ones too. But that would have been a great learning experience. When was that?
Warwick Merry 2:00
It was quite amazing. It was because you know, I get people going to trade shows my feet hurts there two days long. And I’m like, yeah, try 12 months, then you get to talk to me. So that was back in here in 1992.
Kerrie Phipps 2:12
Wow,
Warwick Merry 2:13
Quite a while ago. That’s when I was young and had more hair. That was at the information technology pavilion in downtown Dallas, Texas.
Kerrie Phipps 2:20
Sounds fantastic. You must have been very, very young at the time Warwick.
Warwick Merry 2:24
Oh, no, I was how old was I? 92. I was born in 68. So what does that make me 24-25? Something like that.
Kerrie Phipps 2:31
Okay. So I’d love to hear even about earlier days. Because you come across like so confident and you try new things. You do so many interesting things. And you’re really leading the way at the moment with helping people to connect people with technology, and really build community in these times where people are so isolated. So thank you for that. But take us back like tell us about young Warwicks, confidence building journey.
Warwick Merry 2:57
It’s a really interesting thing and it’s the whole Don’t be fooled by the cover. Don’t be fooled by what you see. I had no confidence and to this day I have my fair share of imposter syndrome. Don’t doubt that at all. But I grew up in a rural community down you know, three hours drive away from Melbourne down in South gippsland was a small little country town. 2000 people grew up on a farm and I did not fit in I was not you know, you think of Australian country town you think sport you think drinking and I did neither of those two things. I was not interested. And I was good at school and I love the academic stuff. So that’s that’s what I did. I had some friends but not a huge number, but I didn’t do anything different. And this is back then I was sort of too scared to really do anything. So I don’t know. But I’d done a lot of professional and personal growth over that time, and I’m more likely to embrace stuff. I’m more likely now to just give stuff a crack file faster. I’ve always been quite happy to make a fool of myself. I remember my parents effort to try and make me skinny. They’d make me play lots of sport and I just when you have to play sport and you don’t do it because you enjoy it when you have to play I hated it. I did it. I remember being told off I’d play tennis and all this crap, I was so bad and being told off because I wasn’t taking it seriously enough and otherwise want to wear bright clothing and bright you know, shorts and be this way. Here we go. You know, I’m just like, I want to make it fun. And it’s boring. Like, I’m just gonna stand in here and white and then heat and I’m like, you know, I’m about talking. I’m about sound. I’m about music. I’m about you know, I’m not about sport and standing here that I like the idea of cricket, where you play a game for five days and don’t have a winner. That is just so yeah, it’s it’s really interesting how, looking back I was the the fat funny guy with this mask of confidence. And it was just I don’t know what it was for a while I did it, but it’s what it was. And only through going through a whole lot of personal growth, can I allow my true self now to come out and be okay with it and be authentic, and be a whole lot of fun and at times go, you know what the rest of the world needs to just piss off for one technical term? I’m just gonna stay home and read my book.
Kerrie Phipps 5:20
Yeah, yeah. I was wondering just before you start sharing that, you know, if you were the class clown, when you said you were quite academic, I was like, oh, okay, great. I mean, I, I get that you are because you’re so clever. And so you know, on top of things, but I just imagined little work as the class clown, but you paid attention in school.
Warwick Merry 5:39
That also is I’ve never been little Warwick. I’m physically a large person and have always been a large person. I was always the biggest guy in the school photos and whatever else. And so then physically, I stood out as well. But yeah, look, I was good at my schoolwork. So I’d finish it very quickly, and then I’d fart around because I’d Have fun on board. To this day, I still remember my high school maths formulas and I love maths and I keep offering my all my friends kids, and having helped me the math homework, but I never asked. So I’d get the week’s maths work done in the first period, so they’d send me to the games room. Every other mess period is just fill in time. And so my parents like this is not okay. I actually had to change schools. So year nine, I went to the private school, which was an hour’s drive away every day, backwards and forwards. Because my parents were like, you need to do something with this gift that you have.
Kerrie Phipps 6:32
Wow.
Warwick Merry 6:34
didn’t just end up being on stage waffling on and saying lots of noise
Kerrie Phipps 6:40
and singing and acting and doing all kinds of interesting and impactful things which I love. You mentioned imposter syndrome. And you also mentioned being authentic, which I think diffuses the power of imposter syndrome, doesn’t it? What do you think?
Warwick Merry 6:55
I don’t think so.
Kerrie Phipps 6:57
Okay!
Warwick Merry 6:57
Because you can say to someone I’ve got a bit of imposter syndrome and people, God, you’ll be good at this, you’ll be fine. And then but the doubt stays. So then the two separate things like, you can admit that you have something, but that doesn’t make it go away. before it becomes, okay, how do I have to reinforce to myself that is like, this is ridiculous. And so for me, some of the stuff that I do is I’ll go back and look at other times I’ve had imposter syndrome and how I’ve proven myself wrong. I have a thing called a happy file where people send me emails ago, I really wanted to say thank you for dat da dat da dar or hay, he’s a testimonials, that kind of stuff. So if I’m feeling it, I’ll go to my happy file, because I can’t trust myself. I can’t ask my perspective. So I have to go to people who I do trust and these are people who have paid me large sums of money, and they’re telling me that I got value for money and they’re telling me that I’m really good at what I do that I have to believe that that’s some of the ways that I deal with my imposter syndrome is to look at what are the people who I who I respect, say, and that really helps me go, okay. It’s an illusion. It’s just it’s not real, but I get it in my head and that’s okay. It’ll help me prepare better.
Kerrie Phipps 8:13
Yeah, that’s powerful because we do learn from the comments from others don’t we when people endorse us when they say what they valued. You know, I often talk about giving specific feedback, not just saying thanks, that was great. But what was great about it because we’re continually learning and, and rewriting that conversation that we have in our own head. Yeah, absolutely.
Warwick Merry 8:36
We suffer from what I call the nine pairs of shoes. And that is it’s mis-named but it makes sense.
Kerrie Phipps 8:42
It could be 20 or 30 pairs of shoes?
Warwick Merry 8:45
Let’s say you’ve got a new pair of shoes and you go out you see 10 of your friends. nine of them say Wow, really lovely shoes and the 10th person says nothing. They don’t like them. They say nothing. All I will obsess about is that 10th person not saying anything when they say something fundamental Have the shoes that when I told them that, and it’s just like, it’s just a head mess that does not serve. So for me, I’m trying to focus on what’s the great stuff people have said, What are the people who care? What’s their focus? And you’re right, specific feedback. Just is so much better than I great. You’re so good at what you do. That’s awesome. It’s like, well, thanks. But you know, what was it? What spoke to you what touched you what element got you? So I know to keep doing it.
Kerrie Phipps 9:30
Yeah. And you know, in Australian culture, sometimes people might say, you know, are you fishing for compliments, but you’re actually just wanting to know specifically because you’re learning from the compliment.
Warwick Merry 9:39
difference between fishing for compliments or fishing for stuff. You see this on social media all the time that people go oh, my God, it’s happened again. I’m so not good at this. And you over love you. You’re amazing, you know, but it’s, it’s more if someone comes up to you says, Oh, well, you did a great job. So I thank you very much. Look, just so I know what specifically spoke to you and it’s just And he’s saying, Look, I’m just for my market research, just so I know. So it’s not I’m not, I’m not going, what did you think of that? I’m I’m saying, when someone says something nice, I’m specifically going for it. And in terms of feedback, I’m very particular who are listened to. And because I’ve spoken on stage so many times, and I’ll get some relative newcomers to the speaking industry, or someone who’s done a training course, and they’ll come in, I’ve got some feedback for you. And I think to myself, I’ve been doing this well, it’s over 20 years now. I’m not sure your feedback is really what I’m after. And then also how you said, I’m 23 times and then, you know, you swore or you did you know, and I’m like, ILA, that’s what the client was after, or that’s my style, or that’s my and I will just say thanks very much, appreciate it and then do nothing with it. But there’ll be key people in the audience I will say, Look, I’ve got a new story. I’ve got a new piece or I’ve got a new I’ve got a Can you give me specific favorite on this bit, not a whole lot, just the beat. And I think that’s the same with anything if you wanting some feedback, ask them beforehand. So they can might pay attention. But be specific on what you want to know about what is it that you’re working on?
Kerrie Phipps 11:06
Yeah, that’s great tips Warwick. Thank you. And I think all of us have a happy file somewhere. If we are we have the opportunity to build it. Whether it’s taking screen captures of kind comments, encouraging comments from people, back in the day, it might have been a little postcard or something like that, I think, bring back the letters in the post, hey, or even the smiley,
Warwick Merry 11:26
You know, it can be a physical file, you know, you can print stuff out and do whatever I know, friends of mine have had scrapbooks where they’ll put stuff in for me, I just want digital, I just have an email folder in another folder on my hard drive. And I just pop stuff in there as as I need. And yeah, just have a look through.
Kerrie Phipps 11:42
That’s beautiful. And something in there that you said reminded me to to ask you something that I often asked myself, and occasionally put it out on social media for people to engage with and that is, I don’t know where I first heard this, but when is the last time you did something for the first time.
Warwick Merry 11:58
Yeah, great question. And That it’s funny. It’s I often will do stuff for the first time. And it’s not really, on the one hand, worry about another hand. Not really worry about it. That makes sense.
Kerrie Phipps 12:10
Yeah.
Warwick Merry 12:11
So recently I’ve taken on a role as event producer doing things like in a weird today we’re talking over zoom. But be it, zoom, WebEx, GoToWebinar, GoToMeeting, whatever it is. And a lot of my clients, they want to do their event online, but they don’t know how to do it. They like what, how do I how do I make this work? And because I’m a nerd, and I have an IT degree, and I’ve been a hosted events, I’ve hosted many events, and I know what it takes to make an event work. I’ve naturally fallen into that role. And so it was basically earlier this year that I’m taken on the technical role of an event host. And so that was really interesting, because the very first one we had a major technical issue. It wasn’t what I had planned. But it was great because I found out what the problem was straightaway. And I knew straightaway, I couldn’t fix it. Because it has to do with a setting. And then once you’ve started, you can’t do that together. But I had confidence to know there’s got to be a workaround. So as the meetings going, and I’m sending messages to my customer, basically saying, there’s an issue, I’ve got to work around the persons in the room. It’s all good, but I’m just letting you know, I’m working on it. And I spent a couple of hours in the background was all day long event. And I’m reaching out to my expert gurus in the US and I’m reaching out to my expert gurus in Europe, and I’m just saying, look, really urgently. This is the issue, what can I do da da da, and were able to find a workaround that worked more sustainably than what had happened. And what I meant was for next events, I changed a whole lot of things so that that couldn’t happen again. And it’s just it’s part of the remaining calm going, there’s an issue, we’ll deal with it and we’ll move on. So that’s the last time that jumps to mind. I’ve done something for the first time.
Kerrie Phipps 13:54
Yeah.
Warwick Merry 13:55
The last thing I did for the first time that had me almost passed out in nerves was a couple of years ago, I did a one man show in the Fringe Festival where I was Gough Whitlam, “my fellow Australians.” And it was all about this the actual dismissal, what led up to it, what happened after it. And it was based on some of his writing and some other stuff. And I’m on stage a lot. I’m loving audience, the bigger the better. It’s all great. And this particular theater had a maximum capacity 35 people, so it’s not really big. But I don’t have a script. I’ll have key points, but I have a script. And so this was scripted, fully scripted, and we’ve done some great work to rewrite the script to get it really schmick that first night I’m standing backstage, which is about the size of a bedroom closet, and my legs will weak and I’m just going oh my god, we got to start singing I’m going to full and the first performance really wasn’t the best. But by the time we got to the 10th performance, it was really good and it was a whole lot of fun, and I’ve relaxed and it’s that whole. Once I can let go of the whole, I’ve got to get this right, because it turned out, I didn’t have to get it right, because I made mistakes. But it’s only one person. So I could just jump around the script a bit. And the producer was just like, yeah, you went all over the place that time but the customer, the end client doesn’t know that the person in the audience Oh, and it was just, it was a really great thing to do. And so rewarding, and I had so many important people in my life come along and see it. And, you know, I looked nothing like him because we couldn’t get a week to look like and whatever. But it was a good yeah, it was good. But it was terrifying. absolutely terrifying.
Kerrie Phipps 15:38
Wow, well done. And so what was the rewards then in terms of, you know, building confidence or doing things beyond that? Was that like a pivotal moment?
Warwick Merry 15:48
Um, I think it was just, to me, it was the realization that like, it’s, it’s okay to be scared out of you have a good like, it really is. And in many ways, it was pleasurable because it was a stretch like it was a big stretch. It was I’d never done this. Like I’ve been in acting cruise before. And I’ve done improv and I’ve done all that sort of stuff. But this was different. There’s no one else on stage, there’s no I’m just gonna stand here for a bit and try and get my lines back like these, you’re on your own. And so it was just like, and it’s okay. And, and I can do it. And then, as my confidence built over the run, I was throwing in extra lines, I was throwing in jokes I was doing, which was all in character because Gough Whitlam was a funny guy like he’s, he’s got some of my favorite favorite one liners that are so rude that they were said in in Parliament House. And, um, but that was just clever and quick and witty, and I have a lot of respect for who he was and what he achieved. And so it was just a delight to be able to run represent that and play with it. And I think I think that the joy of playing within a scary situation was fantastic.
Kerrie Phipps 17:08
Yeah, it can be quite, quite rewarding to get through that scary situation. But often we avoid it. We just don’t step into things because it’s scary. And yeah, I love that feeling of standing on the edge. And oh, my gosh, what’s possible here. But I think we do build that confidence to try new things. Even if we’re not confident in the thing that we’re doing. We’re confident in knowing that we’re going to get through this. It’s worth having a go, isn’t it? If we really thought we were going to die, we just wouldn’t do anything.
Warwick Merry 17:41
It’s that whole looking at your comfort zone and what does it take to stretch it? And are you willing to go and some people are risk averse and I’m quite willing to take certain risks and other areas not so much. It’s It’s weird, but for me, it’s like as you’re saying it’s great to stand on the edge as well. Wonderful to step off. You know I’ve done abseiling. I’ve done some rappelling I’ve haven’t done parachuting, but I’ve done a few Wheaton wonderful things. And yeah, those first times, oh my goodness, he’s just like time for a new pair of underpants but subsequent times the joy the buzz the drives us so soon so now we’re gonna climb right out that buddy rock wall again and have another go, you know? And then once you’ve done once you like, walk into this again, like, what was I so worried about? Why? Why am I build myself up for versus going, it’s gonna be scary, whatever. Let me just do it, move through it, move on. It’s that whole, like getting a swimming pool. It’s not so bad once you’re in and stuff was so much in life. Like that’s such a great metaphor for life and it’s not a bad once your in.
Kerrie Phipps 18:48
Yeah, exactly. So, is it something that you’re looking forward to scaring yourself with? Once we’re out and about a little more That’s me adventures on the horizon.
Warwick Merry 19:02
I haven’t really thought about scaring myself with that kind of stuff I am taking on. It’s interesting I’ve taken on bigger production clients, which is that’s a bit weird and wonderful, but it is what it is. And so I’m looking forward to that. And because I am a bit risk averse, I’m making sure that I’ve mitigated so many of my risks. And I’m probably spending money, I don’t need to, to be sure that issues won’t happen as an example. Some of these events are happening here in the USA. And so therefore, I’m like, I need the internet connection to be good. And like, in my house is pretty good. But I’m hiring. There’s an office I know of that has this massive internet pipe like it’s fiber up and down. So I’m just I’m renting a room. It’s like two o’clock in the morning. I don’t care. I’m going to have all these different computers all networked in. So I’ve got a backup with a backup of a backup kind of thing.
Kerrie Phipps 19:54
Yeah,
Warwick Merry 19:55
and you know, the phones ready and yada yada yada because it’s just really important to be do that kind of stuff. Yeah, so it’s good. It’s a good it’s a it’s a good experience in pushing, pushing the boundaries. But having also said that, I think just living through the age we’re living through is pushing the boundaries.
Kerrie Phipps 20:15
Yeah,
Warwick Merry 20:16
One of the things I really miss at the moment is I haven’t been able to sing I sing in two groups, a choir and a quartet. And we haven’t sung for months. And some of the research coming back and seeing is really risky, because of the high rate of seeing, putting a lot of moisture into the air. And because you take big deep breaths, or you bring them back in again, and because the choirs are typically very well connected, so there’s hugging and kissing and drinks afterwards and dat data and cups of tea and whatever else. And so there’s been a there’s some new research study just to try and work out how bad is it? So yeah, that’s that’s, I think singing in the choir again, might be the biggest risk I’ll do in the in the nearest future.
Kerrie Phipps 20:56
Wow. Is there anything you’d like to sing for us now while you’re here?
Warwick Merry 21:00
Not particularly … sing in a choir. So I’m one of four parts. And so therefore, you know, I continue a baseline Doom da doom doom doom you know, it’s like you know her, Well, that’s very, but you put the other three layers, and then it sounds amazing and sometimes the parts on their own sound rubbish, because they sound like they clashing. But then you’ll get these, you know, an augmented fifth or whatever, they are not that musical, but that the term is, and it sounds amazing. And it’s the same to be said, for all of us in what we’re doing every day. Sometimes what we do is a bit mundane, but when you pair it out with what others in our lives are doing around us, it becomes extraordinary. And I think that’s that’s a really cool thing to understand that sometimes. Sometimes what you’re doing is pretty lackluster, but it’s what it contributes. That becomes amazing.
Kerrie Phipps 21:46
Yes, thank you so much for sharing that because that was just coming to mind. Also for me as you shared that and I’ve found myself saying a lot over the past couple of years, you make a bigger difference than you know. And it’s because we do get bored with our little contribution and I think maybe that doesn’t really make much of a difference. But your little sounds in the background can really add so much.
Warwick Merry 22:07
Today like technology, man, the world is so small. You know, I’ll put some different posts on social media, and I’ll get people just commenting, and I don’t know who they are. But they’ve been like, I’ve been watching your stuff for ages. And I love what you’ve done with that dadada. And I’m like, oh, wow, great, awesome. You can have a white bigger impact. And I’m gonna remember your name, but there was this woman who came all the way from Australia, and she was talking about talking to people and since then I’ve spoken to people and I feel much better about talking to people and and it’s just it’s the sowing the seeds. And sometimes it is that standing on the shoulders of giants, like they might have spoke to one person read a book, send a funny film dadadaa and then heard you speak and then someone else read a book of yours and told them about it. And then they took some action and so it’s It’s amazing the contribution is that you can make.
Kerrie Phipps 23:03
That’s beautiful. I love the analogy of a choir being like life, like community. That’s so beautiful work. I just love a conversation with you as you know, saying, hey, Warwick if you got a few minutes, and there’s always laughing involved, but I’ve restrained myself today to not be just laughing over your stories. But I was gonna ask before we wrap up, are there any other tips that you’d like to share for building confidence for managing those conversations in your head or with other people?
Yeah, look, I think part of it is, it’s the decision. The decision to do something is the easiest bit, but once you’ve decided then you’ve got to take action to back that up. Often what you might need is what I call it’s, it’s a lock nut. For those of you who use nuts and bolts, often you’ll have a bolt you put a knot on and then you put another knot on the first on the bolt to lock the first nut in place. So often If I’ve made a decision to do something, I will tell other people or I’ll make an announcement or I’ll put a, an event out there or I’ll, I’ll start doing stuff or I’ll start letting people know. Because then I can’t back down. And it becomes that lockdown of like, you got to do it. Now you’ve told people that you got to do it. And I can always not do it. But these will I’ve told someone, it’s like, if you want to go to the gym, it’s always easy to go, Oh, the weather’s bad, my bone in my leg, you know, whatever. But by saying to someone else, I’ll meet you at the gym at six o’clock, I’ve got to go because they’re gonna be there and I can’t you know. So that’s the locknut that really helps things happen. And in the same way, if you want to build that confidence, it’s getting that help from someone saying, I just need you to listen, I don’t want you to, I don’t need you to give me any feedback. I don’t need you. I just need you to listen, I’m just saying something I just need you to ask me in two weeks time. How did you go with and not in a did you do that? But just how did you go with that? I haven’t done it yet. I’ll talk to you in two weeks in front of you going that level of accountability. really encourages action. And an action is the magic word, not words other Magic Action it is, if you want to get stuff done, if you want to build that confidence, you’ve just got to do one little bit and just build the momentum and keep going. So it’s that little action that builds momentum.
Beautiful. Thank you so much Warwick I can really appreciate your insights and your stories. And I look forward to connecting with you again soon. So if people are wanting to find you and follow you across, we’ll put all of your links in the show notes. But is there anything else that you’d like to add?
Warwick Merry 25:33
If you just head to warwickmarry.com that’s where all my bits and bobs and stuffies if you’re looking at doing more online, kind of presenting online meetings, that kind of stuff, I’ve got some resources that your listeners are welcome to grab this warrickmarry.com/presenting online. So warrickmarry.com is the best place to go.
Kerrie Phipps 25:54
That’s right, and they’ll find so much great resource and that you have been a great resource to me and The speaking community around the world, especially recently, but even over the last five years since I’ve met you, so thank you again Warwick.
Warwick Merry 26:07
Absolute pleasure. Thank you so much for having me on the show having me on the show. See if I am a professional communicator, I can say that. Thank you so much for having me on the show.
